Weirdness

I think we've established that people are weird and weird things happen. Nevertheless, I want to introduce a couple weird people I encountered last week (other than myself and my friend Michelle).

On Sunday morning after church (it was around 10:45), I decided to go to the grocery store to get a few things I was out of and buy my friend some flowers--her senior project presentation was that afternoon.

Columbia has three different grocery stores not including Wal-mart and the two discount stores on the North side of town. The first and nicest store is Hy-Vee. Hy-Vee has an excellent produce section, a Starbucs, and a clean atmosphere (not to mention the free samples). While I like Hy-Vee, it is also the most expensive (although it was recently argued that Shnucks is actually more expensive than Hy-Vee).

While Hy-Vee is slowly taking over Columbia (they just built a new store on Nifong- it is the epitome of food heaven--and they're building another one by the Wal-mart on Broadway....its funny how all 3 Hy-Vee's are all by the 3 Wal-Marts), Shnucks still remains a prominent player. I don't shop there very often but it has a down to earth feel that I like, and its right on my way to my friend's house in case I need to stop and pick something up for dinner.

The third option of grocery stores in Columbia is Gerbes. Gerbes has three locations: Nifong, Paris, and Broadway. Although I've never been to the one on Paris, I've been told that the one on Broadway is close behind in 2nd place for shadiest grocery store in Columbia. Fortunately for me, I live right across the street from Broadway Gerbes and happen to like it for several reasons:

1. Its cheaper than Hy-Vee

2. Its run by the same company as Kroger, which means I can use my Plus card at both locations

3. I get a little nostalgic every time I walk in. It reminds me of the old grocery store I went to when I was little--the Kroger on Parkway back in Tennessee: same smell, similar setup, same dismal lighting, and same strange people.

I didn't notice the strange people until I got a little older and started making Kroger runs for my mom when she forgot an important ingredient for our family dinners--hamburger buns for grill night, flour for the cookies, Italian dressing for the salad, baked beans for BBQ night--giving my 16-year-old self a reason to drive. In fact, much like the Gerbes on Broadway, my parents now prefer to go to the newer Kroger at the other end of Highland. "Its nicer and safer," they say.

Anyway....back to the weirdness. I parked my car last Sunday morning, dressed in a plaid dress and brown boots (the dress either makes me look like a 2nd grader or a 2nd grade teacher...I can't decide, but I like it and I'll say I'm somewhere in between).

I'm walking up to the door and dropping my keys into my blue mailbox purse when I look up and feel my facial muscles tense as I try to keep the chock from creeping across my face.

A tall (like 8 feet tall!) skinny (almost skeletal) man (I'm using a lot of parentheses in this post) with long, stringy hair under a beat up cowboy hat was walking out of Gerbes. He had on faded, light-wash blue jeans, some sort of boots, a long, used to be black trench coat, and no shirt. He swaggered out the door, moving with a snake-like smoothness, hair brushing from side to side with each step. His lips remained pursed, and he kept his eyes focused on the horizon. No Gerbes grocery bag was in his hand so I can't imagine what he had gotten in the store--maybe a pack of cigarettes? Either way, this man was strange, and he made me laugh.

"Hmmm....maybe this store is a little weird," I thought. "But i like it nonetheless!"

**Yes...I said I was going to write about a couple weird encounters, but that was before I decided to give you a short history of grocery stores in Columbia. The running UPS man will have to wait for another post = )

Our brains are shrinking

The problem with writing about random crap is that too much of it happens and if you don't write about it everyday, it piles up on you.

Have you ever noticed that people are just about as dumb as a herd of cattle? Seriously. And they can be goaded around just as easy...no horses or prodding sticks needed.

I was headed home from Denver just over a week ago. The line at the United Airlines kiosk was incredibly long and weaved back and forth through a series of black ropes. All faces in line were solemn like that of a pig being lead to the slaughter and the bodies that held them diligently stayed between the designated lines.

"So where ya headed?" Doug, a man i had met at my conference asked. He was in line in front of me.

"Back to Tennessee for a couple of days."

Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. We made our way through the winding maze.

"Oh yea, you're on staff at Mizzou, right?"

I nodded.

Walk walk, sharp turn left. Bag getting heavier.

"Yea, we already have a staff meeting tomorrow," he said.

"Oh," I said. "I'm glad we don't have anything until Friday."

Piddle paddle piddle paddle. A woman in the shoot next to mine almost dropped her kid on its head. The man beside her caught the baby before it hit the ground. Doug gave me an astounded look.

"The line's moving pretty fast," I said as we neared the final left turn. I watched as people rounded the corner, avoiding the pole that held it up.

As we got closer to our pivot point, I noticed that the pole had been moved back and the rope sagged under the lack of tension. However, no one else seemed to notice. It was as if an invisible line existed where the rope had once been and people stayed on one side of it weaving around the imaginary pole at the end of their line.

Doug stopped in front of me to observe the their actions. I cocked my head in confusion and recalled a book I read about how malls and amusement parks were set up to make people walk in a certain area without them even realizing that their being told what to do.

"They have a sense of freedom because their in an open space," it said. "But really, the paths are set for them and they don't have a choice."

That's silly. I thought. You don't have to stay on the path. You can walk wherever you want. People aren't that dumb.

Clearly I was wrong. I watched as one after another, men and women rolled their suitcases in smooth arches around an area that they could have walked straight across.

Doug and I didn't move. We waited until everyone completed their lap and ended up on the other side of the "rope" then we just stepped behind them. No long walk necessary.

That was weird. I thought. And I felt embarrassed to be a human being. National Geographic was right...our brains are shrinking.

stuff that happens

Let me tell you about something I read at Barnes and Noble on Monday. A woman in Massachusetts was cooking Thanksgiving dinner when her daughter went into labor. The mother called 911, but the baby was already crowning so the paramedics had to talk her through the birth of her grandchild!

Now isn't that sweet...grandma got to deliver her very own grandbaby on Thanksgiving!

Right now your probably smiling on the inside, holding your hand to your heart, and if you're really emotional, you might even be dabbing a few tears from your eyes. But before you breakdown completely, let me relay a few more details of the story:

Remember when I said that grandma was cooking Thanksgiving dinner when her daughter went into labor? Well...she didn't stop. Yep, that's right--even though she was delivering a baby, she didn't stop cooking lunch.

Now that's what I call multitasking. If only I could cut the umbilical cord of a gooey newborn baby while basting the turkey and stirring the gravy that I will be feeding my family, then I might be able to get some things done.

Does anyone else think this violates some sort of health code?

Random crap like this happens all the time, not just in the home of a pregnant Massachusetts woman. And that's why I'm starting a new blog...a blog dedicated to the random crap that happens in my life and yours:

Like the other day, right after I read the article, I was sitting in a chair reading about "things white people like" when a bluetooth headset wearing business woman asked a chubby clerk to help her find a book of poetry. Sounds pretty normal, right? Well it would have been if he hadn't been wearing reindeer antlers on top of his bald head.

Or like woman who just dropped her garlic cheese Starbucks pretzel and let out a disappointed "ooohhh...." in the middle of the Barnes and Nobel cafe. Glad that wasn't me. She took it back and asked for a new one. The barista merrily obliged. I, on the other hand, would have just wiped it off and pleaded the 5 second rule. After all, if people can eat food with baby juice all over it, I can surely handle a little bookstore floor crud.