Conspiracy Theories

What do you think about the idea of brainwashing? Is it possible? If you are an immature person and have bad boundaries, then it totally is.

Last week me and some friends were talking about this group of business men that like to hang out in Memorial Union on the Mizzou campus. All of them have gelled hair and perfectly groomed eyebrows (they probably hang out at varsity clips on their off hours; every time I go in there to get my eyebrows waxed, I laugh at all the "macho" men that grab a piece of candy on their way out as a reward for enduring the "excruciating pain" that us females have fearlessly faced for decades).

These men wear suit jackets with bright colored Polo's and pastel printed ties. Their skin has a glow that rivals Jessica Alba's and I'd almost bet a baby's bottom is rougher than the skin on their faces.

You know what kind of men I'm talking about....the same white-toothy grins that grace the cover of a J-Crew catalogue. Only these men lack the carefree spirit of the J-Crew clan, but they posses something more--a desire to feed on the souls of desperate college students.

I overheard one of their sales pitches while working on my new staff training. They had an answer to every question and pitched their company in an "all good, no bad" way that left each student no choice but to sign their summer away selling books in hopes of making a buck or two.

"One guy made $50,000 his first year," Mr. spike haired purple Polo said. "It's so easy. Its all a matter of how much work you put into it."

I thought about my own job and how I also pitch a plan for summer project--"go live on a beach with 50 other college students; raise your own support and you'll be lucky if you make $.50."

Its a little sad, the amount of students that sign their life away to the promise of money. I know their summer will be less than fulfilling. And I also know that if they were to go on summer project, a window to their soul would be let open and they'd have no choice but to be happier and more carefree. But that's another story for another time.

My friend Katie got roped into selling Cutco Knives the summer before she came to college.

"They made it sound so great!" Katie said. "But I hated it!"

Cutco knives are proudly made in America and the makers stand behind their products for a lifetime! I just wonder what happens when one of them dies?

Katie's experience reminded me of my own theories of brainwashing. I read George Orwell's 1984 my sophomore year of high school and was fascinated by Big Brother's success at brainwashing an entire nation through something so seemingly innocent as a television set. While I don't remember any exact quotes from the book, I do remember the main character getting tortured by rats because he chose act on his feelings rather than follow the systematic way of life that Big Brother had set up for him.

A year later I read Rad Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451 and marveled at the idea that books good be abolished.

"I love books!" I thought. "That could never happen!"

Well, Google is trying to make it happen by digitizing every single book ever printed. (for more information click here). It sounds like a good idea at first--creating an online library where you can have access to any and every book you want? But if every book is digitized and printed versions of the book no longer exist, Google would have the ability to change these works of art at their own pleasure. Now why would Google want to do this? Some people say that Google owns the government, or visa-versa.

I know....I sound like a freakin' crazy person and you might be thinking that things like government take over and complete eradication of the individual self are impossible. To those of you, I would say, rent "The Red Chapel" on Netflix and learn a little about North Korea.

I would like to think that United States is a little to far gone to undergo that type of governmental overhaul, but then again....TV is already trying to convince us that high-fructose corn-syrup are good for us (click here if you need a refresher). Big Brother wants us to get fat and die. That way, we will be unable to draw on our social security when we are old. Likewise, if the government ever does pass the public health care option, they're promotion of high fructose corn syrup consumption will prevent them from having to dish out the funds to sick people because all of our illnesses will have been caused by a pre-existing condition called twinky-itis. Who needs death panels when you have a Hostess Bakery?

It was never my intention to get this political. In fact, I tend to ere on the side of hatred towards politics. Its not that I don't think you shouldn't have an opinion, I just think people's opinion's sometimes get in the way of what's really the matter with the world.

That being said....let me offer one more insight into the government's deceptively sly step into the realm of our individual psyches: 3-D movies.

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Now before you yell at me, hear me out. The purpose of films, books (if there are any left) and any other entertainment is to offer an escape from reality. Jon Landau broke new ground with the breath taking visuals in his 2009 flick Avatar. But for some, the world was a little too convincing and they found themselves spiraling into despair (again, don't believe me...click here).

I personally enjoyed the movie Avatar, and I'm not ashamed to say that when I saw the glowing leaves of Pandora trees, I found myself wishing that I could live somewhere like that.

And that's where the brainwashing starts...with innocent hopes and desires of a better world that the government and media promise to give you. They create these worlds in films and on TV, which is fine when it's two dimensional because we're able to separate ourselves from it. But when the images pop out of us and engulf not only our sense of sight but also the very being of who we are, that's when we know that all is lost.

Now that I've taken up 15 minutes of your precious life, I hope you walk away with a little more caution. Did your television just turn on without your permission? Is someone lurking outside your window waiting for you to make a misstep? Is Big Brother watching you?

My advice to you would be read books and never use Google again. In fact, you should probably refrain from using the Internet at all. Yes, that includes reading this blog. How do you know that I am even the one writing it? For all you know, Google has misconstrued everything I have said and your brain is now being morphed into that of a zombie. QUICK! Pull out your ear plugs! Turn off your laptop!

And most importantly....don't put on the 3-D glasses!!!!